


cookies and marijuana

by trashbunny



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: A little, Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben is brought back to life, Drug Use, First Kiss, Introspection, M/M, Out of Character, Pseudo-Incest, Spoilers, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25871521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashbunny/pseuds/trashbunny
Summary: Klaus and Ben and roof discussions
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves/Klaus Hargreeves
Kudos: 121





	cookies and marijuana

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I've written these two but s2 yanked me back jskskkksk

2005

It's cold but the heat from the smoke circling his lungs keeps the chill from settling into his bones. Klaus softly thanks the 2am breeze as it sends the smoke away from the house and into the distance, so the smell of weed won't cling to his clothes too much. Not that anyone would care anymore, they all know they can't stop him. That's why good old Reggie hasn't personally dragged him back downstairs to his bedroom.

Holding the joint between his lips, he takes a slow but deep breath in, proud that he no longer cringes at the taste. It was kind of acrid before, but now it's mellowed out, associated with the light feeling in his head and the absence of the ghosts around him. Marijuana doesn't work quite as well or for as long as some of the harder drugs he's tried but at least for now, it's enough.

He holds it as long as he can before slowly exhaling, watching the white wisps of smoke fade away into the clear night sky, illuminated by a waxing crescent moon and countless constellations he's forgotten the names of in favour of zoning out during lesson time, even if it did get him punished.

It doesn't take him long to notice the merry feeling of being high take over his body and mind, muscles that were tense before now loose and comfortable, fingers no longer trembling the way they have done ever since his first visit to the mausoleum. Calm. What an experience.

Klaus imagines this is how Allison and Luther feel when they spend time together, holding hands and being cute like that, how Diego feels when he manages to yell at criminals without stuttering, how Five used to feel after making one of his scathing comments. Ben with his books and Vanya with her violin.

And now Klaus with his emotional support drugs. His laugh comes out twisted and distorted, interrupted with a short cough, uncomfortable and burning in his lungs, tears in his eyes, but it just makes him laugh a little more. It's nice to laugh again.

The sound of the door to the roof swinging open unceremoniously puts a stop to his laughter, a much duller version of panic taking over his mind as he hides his joint by his side (though he's not sure why, instinct he supposes). He doesn't think he'd be able to take Reggie seriously in his current state, and he knows just as well as his other siblings where that'd lead.

But calm washes over him at the sight he's granted. Ben, in his pyjamas, holding a plate of cookies and looking just as shocked at Klaus as he must be looking at him. "I… have cookies?" He seems to ask hesitantly, though Klaus isn't sure why that's a question when he clearly does have cookies indeed.

"Yes you do. Are you gonna share 'em Benny?"

Rolling his eyes as he clicks the attic door shut with his foot, Ben wanders over. Klaus notices a thick leather bound book is held under the other's arm, the title of which he vaguely remembers from leaning over him at the dinner table to see what he was doing. "I will if you don't call me that."

Taking another puff of his joint (because it's just Ben, Ben who has seen him smoke for years, Ben who begged Dad to stop forcing Klaus into the mausoleum even when he knew he'd get punished for talking back to their omnipotent father, Ben who has held him as he's struggled to keep his mind above the murky waters of multiple overdoses), Klaus smiles with more teeth than could possibly be good natured. "Sure thing Benny."

* * *

They spend half of the night sharing cookies in complete silence, Ben reading his book and Klaus smoking, not needing to say much because they simply don't need to.

Like how Klaus can see Ben's eyes flitting from page to page to Klaus to page, worry in his eyes hidden behind a veil of indifference, something that has only recently developed. The occasional sigh is new too, as if his brother has a hundred words unsaid that he needs to let loose but can't, won't, maybe  _ shouldn't _ , and Klaus understands that (but also would very much like to know  _ what _ it is). He can tell there's something, but the weed doesn't want him to ask, so he doesn't, watching the other read, watching his facial expressions change minutely with every new word he reads, even as clearly distracted as he is.

It's something Klaus loves about Ben; his neverending nerdiness. It's cute, how he can get so lost in a book that he can't help but express every emotion he feels because of some ink on a page in some way or another. He bets he doesn't even notice how his face tells the story to Klaus so much better than the book itself ever could.

"Why are you staring?" Ben accuses, and Klaus realises he's been so lost in thought he didn't even notice the other staring right back at him.

Trying to think of something that sounds less… weird than 'I was mentally dissecting you', Klaus stumbles over his words a little. "Uh… No reason."

Not taking that as a good enough reason, Ben closes his book (after placing the ribbon bookmark flat against the page he's on) and turns to face Klaus's side. "I want to try that."

Confused for a moment, Klaus points at himself (as a joke, but under the influence, a worse half of himself wouldn't mind), before a very exasperated (and lightly blushing, Klaus notices with a strange joy) Ben gently takes his wrist and waves it a little in allusion to the joint, mostly dwindled away. "Why?"

"Well you seem to like it, and you seem pretty calm. I just want to try." The other's sock clad feet wiggle anxiously, eyes shifting between Klaus and his lips and then his hand, like he wants to say more, has a  _ very  _ different explanation, but for now can only come up with that.

Some thoughts pass through his head, mostly in their father's voice, about discipline and cordiality and respectful conduct, a couple of warnings of aftereffects and 'no telling how it would affect his powers' but Klaus dismisses them all to simply say: "If you want to kiss me that bad you can just ask."

Taken aback, Ben drops his wrist, eyes wide but not so wide that Klaus would believe him disgusted. "How did you get to that conclusion?"

Trying to justify the mental gymnastics Klaus's very stoned brain just achieved, he attempts to explain. "Well you couldn't keep your eyes off me when you were reading, your body language is different tonight than it usually is, and you keep sighing like you want to say or start something but then deciding against it… And, to be fair, sharing a joint is like an indirect kiss, and you seem to know that, so..."

And though he says it all with the most humourous tone he can manage, the air grows awkward, heavy, like Klaus was  _ so  _ wrong. Yet Ben's inability to deny it weighs on his mind like an elephant standing on a tightrope.

But Ben reopens his book, turning away again, taking the last cookie on the plate for himself. They don't speak but they don't need to, their words already said.

All of a sudden, the weed stops working so well.

* * *

2019 (again)

A hazy memory, full of cookies and marijuana and teenage awkwardness. That's what he feels walking out onto the roof again, after years of not being in this time, in this area, in this house, and it's almost enough to make his knees collapse beneath him.

Thankfully, Klaus manages to sit himself comfortably, legs hanging off the roof, arms around his middle subconsciously holding himself together.

He didn't have much time for grieving Ben in Dallas, what with the fight for their lives, saving Harlan and then narrowly avoiding death again, before travelling through time and space and landing somewhere so familiar and yet not how they left it. 

So to walk away from their circle of familial joviality, into their sitting room, to find not only their Mom and Pogo still milling about as though there had been no threat of an apocalypse, but a very alive very  _ not dead _ Ben standing two feet away from them… Well needless to say Klaus isn't quite sure how the rest of the day happened.

"Blurry," he mutters, ignoring the way his stomach flips at the thought of his brother  _ not being dead and gone _ . "A mess."

The very little comfort he'd managed to derive from holding himself fades away as his mind wanders, stuck on Ben's ecstatic face, locking eyes with each of his siblings and being almost immediately squashed by them all with a smile and a 'I've missed you guys' and happy, joyful tears all around.

Not that Klaus isn't happy too, because he is. And that's the part that hurts the most. He'd only just accepted being alone forever, the man he loved stuck very much in the past and the brother he loved just as much gone, completely, so far away Klaus would never be able to reach him.

Emotional whiplash, he considers, wondering if it's just an excuse for feeling sad about not having Ben all to himself anymore.

He knows it's selfish, but none of the others even noticed him slipping behind the bar and almost immediately chugging half a bottle of whiskey instead of joining the group hug like he normally would, not even Ben, and that's just how the rest of their lives is going to be. Completely opposite to how they used to be.

"I have cookies," a voice calls out to Klaus from the attic door as it squeaks open, rusty and uncared for now. "Wanna share?"

Careful to school his expression into something less 'broken-hearted', Klaus turns his head to grin toothily. "Of course, who says no to Mom's cookies?"

Ben laughs, the sound so much fuller and  _ alive _ than he's used to hearing it, his shoes making sound on the roof, his clothes fluttering in the breeze like everyone else's does, warmth emanating from his body as he sits beside Klaus, putting the plate between them. "I'd forgotten how  _ good _ they smell."

"This must be a lot for you, huh Benny?" Klaus probes, ignoring the plate in favour of watching the other pick one up, almost childlike excitement palpable in the air around them. "I'm almost scared to ask how you are."

Taking it lightly, Ben shrugs. "It's strange. So much  _ more _ , everything just feels like a lot. Even when I was possessing you, I felt everything  _ through  _ you, like there was a pause in the feedback. But this… It's kind of overwhelming."

Klaus nods, ignoring the way the word  _ possessing  _ makes him shudder a little, instead blaming it on the breeze. "Well if you're like this about the smell of cookies, I can't imagine what anything else feels like."

They smile for a moment, until Ben takes a deep breath (just watching him breathe makes Klaus hold his own, a small action he never thought he'd see the other do again), before nibbling the cookie. It's like watching a newborn fawn taking its first steps, unsure but eager to try because it knows the reward will be worth it. 

He feels like shit for feeling conflicted on Ben being alive again simply at the look on his face as he tastes again. "Holy shit. Holy shit! This is so good!" And laughing, he shoves the rest of the cookie into his mouth, chewing like his life depends on it.

Klaus is reminded of his simple reaction to feeling dirt between his toes, smelling it like it was the best thing to ever exist, and it's bittersweet to think it'll all become monotonous to him again after a while. But even that thought is selfish, wanting to keep Ben's best reactions to himself.

But he laughs with him, enjoying the moment alone together, because it could be one of their last.

* * *

The plate of cookies mostly demolished (minus one that Ben is currently feeding to a pigeon), they sit in silence.

Part of Klaus still doesn't believe the other is actually alive, but he's too concerned about it all being a strange dream to reach out and touch him.

"... Klaus, do you remember the last time we were up here before I died?" Ben asks out of the blue, pigeon flying away at the disruption of the quiet. "We had cookies then, and we sat here almost exactly."

"You were reading some nerdy book and I was smoking a joint," Klaus continues the reverie, miming the action as though Ben might need a visual reminder too. "Yeah I remember."

They both go quiet again, letting the words unsaid slip between them like fine sand in an hourglass, awkward glances and the word 'kiss' don't need to be mentioned for them to know they're both thinking it.

"I should've asked to, you know," Ben almost whispers, the sound carried away by the wind but not before Klaus hears it, the meaning not lost on him. "But the moment didn't feel right."

Klaus sighs dramatically, letting the weight of that confession push his back against the gravel of the roof, uncomfortable but better than fighting the need to be on the floor. "The moment won't ever feel right if you doubt yourself, Benny boy."

"Shut up Klaus," the other chides warmly, turning his body to face Klaus, mannerisms never changing even after death and rebirth, sock clad feet wiggling the way they do when he's anxious, too much nervous energy building in his body. "I don't need life advice from an ex junkie with a cult left in the 60's."

"Don't drag Destiny's Children into the conversation just to prove a point," Klaus retorts, tone devoid of seriousness, watching the way Ben's smile seems so much more real now than it used to. "This is an 'us' thing only."

For a few moments, the word 'us' floats around in Klaus's head, slinging accusations and discouragements at him from all corners. 'There's no us anymore', 'you want to watch your words, Number Four', 'how did you get to that conclusion'.

"Us…" Ben echoes, seeming to dissect how the word tastes on his mouth in regard to him and Klaus.

Klaus keeps quiet (for once), letting Ben come to his own conclusions about what happens next.

"Hm. Well then, Klaus Hargreeves, may I kiss you?" The words come out less than solidly, his voice breaking halfway through his name, but it's loud and clear to Klaus, alive just the way their speaker is, and he never thought he'd have the chance.

Simply nodding as he sits up, Ben seems to get the message Klaus is trying to convey without speaking (he isn't sure he'd be able to say much that wouldn't ruin the moment), leaning forward slowly.

A passing comment about his inexperience begins to make its way out of Klaus's throat, stalled only by the belated realisation that this is actually happening. Ben takes his tattooed hands into his own, warm and strong and solid, the way Klaus remembers from their teenage years, thumbs making careful circles around his wrists like he can't believe that he's feeling Klaus's skin under his own.

And then their lips touch, gentle and feather-light, almost cautious, as if this moment is a priceless antique, broken with the slightest breath. Years of emotional repression and unfulfilled desires surge their way to the surface, egging Klaus to deepen the kiss and seal the deal, but he holds back, letting Ben lead the way, test the waters.

If it feels this momentous for Klaus, he can't imagine how it must feel for Ben, Ben who has spent years only interacting with the world at large in a wholly detached manner, who never had the chance to discover things for himself, who has not felt touch for over a decade before today.

Everything slows around them, this moment theirs and theirs alone, feeling and absorbing one another in a culmination of years of being together but forcibly separate at the same time.

And as the kiss deepens, the taste of strong whiskey and sweet cookies mixing together in a way Klaus can't seem to get enough of, all he can think is that maybe, just maybe, he isn't losing Ben by him being alive in the slightest.

**Author's Note:**

> IM A LITTLE RUSTY WITH THESE TWO this was mostly me trying to get back into writing them after a year long hiatus but I hope it was enjoyable anyway 
> 
> ALSO EP9 DID NOT NEED TO DESTROY ME THE WAY IT DID >:(
> 
> thank you for reading, have a good day :3


End file.
